Every so often, a leader will say something to me almost in passing. It’s not framed as a complaint, and it’s rarely posed as a formal question. It sounds more like an observation they haven’t fully sat with yet. “Some parts of my work feel heavier than they used to.” Or “I’m getting things done, but it takes more out of me.”
When I hear this, I don’t immediately assume something is wrong. More often, I hear it as a signal that something important is trying to surface. Most leaders are taught to focus on improvement. From early on, we are encouraged to strengthen what feels weak, to stretch ourselves, to grow into what feels just beyond reach. There is value in that. But over time, this focus can pull leaders away from what allows them to lead well. Not abruptly or dramatically but gradually. Leadership rarely falters because people lack skill or commitment. More often, it wears down because leaders spend too much time operating outside what fits them best. When that happens, the work starts to feel heavier. Conversations require more effort to enter, and decisions take longer to carry. There may be plenty of activity, but less sense of momentum or ease. Nothing is obviously broken, and yet something feels misaligned. This is often the point where the idea of a leadership sweet spot begins to matter.
I think of a sweet spot as the place where leadership feels less forced. It’s where your values, your way of thinking, and your way of being with others come together naturally. When leaders are operating from that place, they don’t need to perform leadership. They have developed a practice to continually centre themselves. Their presence does much of the work and their decisions feel steadier. People understand what matters without needing constant reinforcement. The work still requires effort, but it no longer feels like strain.
When leaders move too far away from their sweet spot, the signs are just as telling. Interactions feel heavy, and feedback doesn’t land as it once did. Both leaders and teams start to feel tired without quite knowing why. Over time, fatigue becomes normalized. And when this happens, trust and engagement erode. The challenge is that sweet spots are easy to lose, especially under pressure. As demands increase, leaders adapt. They take on ways of leading that may look effective from the outside but don’t quite belong to them. They respond to expectations that were never designed with sustainability in mind. They push through because that’s what responsible leaders do. Slowly, often without noticing, they move further away from the conditions that once allowed them to lead with clarity and ease.
While conducting research for my book The Compassion Advantage, this kind of drift came up again and again. Leaders aren’t lost so much as misaligned. They haven’t forgotten what matters, but they’ve stopped noticing what nourishes their leadership rather than depletes it. Finding a sweet spot doesn’t require a new assessment but usually begins by adopting a new practice.
A simple practice to re-centre your leadership
Finding your leadership sweet spot doesn’t require stepping away from your role or reinventing how you lead. It begins with a brief pause, one that helps you re-orient rather than react. I often invite leaders to use what I call the Leadership North Star Pause. It’s a short moment of reflection designed to bring you back to the place where your leadership feels most grounded and sustainable.
When things start to feel heavier than they should, pause and sit with these questions to centre yourself and refocus on your North Star:
· How is the way I’m showing up helping or hindering what needs to happen?
· How is my leadership generating or draining energy right now?
· How is my current pace affecting my judgement and presence?
· How am I being pulled away from where my leadership adds the most value?
· How can I bring greater clarity, steadiness, or direction in what comes next?
Taking the North Star Pause helps you restore orientation. Over time, these questions help leaders realign with the way they lead best.
We know that leaders who are closer to their sweet spot tend to have a more natural presence. They sense when to step forward and when to create space. They notice when a conversation needs direction and when it needs listening, and their leadership feels responsive rather than reactive.
Finding your leadership sweet spot is a true test of your ability to reflect on your values and purpose. It asks you to notice where your leadership feels like an expression of who you are, rather than an effort to meet an image of what you think your leadership is supposed to look like. This clarity doesn’t remove the challenge leaders will always face navigating tension and trade-offs. But when leaders are grounded in their sweet spot, they tend to meet those challenges with composure rather than strain.
And that’s the big difference. Leaders who have enriched their practice by using the North Star Pause gift their teams with a quiet confidence that is felt, even if it’s never named.